Epiphany's Mantra

i thank You God for most this amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
-e.e. cummings

7.12.2009

Passion of a Changed Mind

A mish-mosh of ramblings and questions on change.

by Epiphany

I seem to relate everything in my life to a movie these days as well as my incredibly fascinating dreams. I guess the reverse would be how a movie is made; but I kept thinking - could our everyday mundane existence truly be worthy of box office stats? In the movie Passion of Mind, Demi Moore plays a character whose life and dreams collide leaving her desperate to figure out which is real and which is not. Eventually and with great advice, she decides she has to let one of the lives go and it turns out to be the right one. She survives and in letting go - changes or better yet - evolves.

I bring this up because lately every newsletter and magazine article I read seems to be about change. Coincidentally, I had just decided that at this juncture in my life, I was cutting off my hair and starting anew - changing my life one short strand at a time. One night a friend called and commanded me to put on one of those reality show about dancing. She says you have to see the host - she reminds me of you. Everything about her is just like you. I watched. She was a good television host and very funny too. People liked her. Then, I thought to myself, well if this is how people see me, then, why should I change. Maybe I should be hosting a tv program (smile).

Then a funny thing happened to me the next day. I got an email from someone soliciting my services as a publicist. Turns out they had the wrong person because we have the same name. I started to think of Demi Moore's role as Marty and her psychological attempt to put the past where it belongs. She didn't realize until the end that there was a past to put to rest because for her, both lives were real and confusing. Is this how life could be? Where we truly lived everyday as we are suppose to. Could we function? Or is it human nature to want what we think we need or don't have? Lets think about it.

I think it would be cool if these people were really me - on a parallel plane. Just think, you have a number of lives all happening at the same time. One day a TV host, the next day a mom, the next a high powered attorney. All with different circumstances and you could walk from one into another and experience any and everything. That's a form of change I suppose.

What about that character Marty? Could we evolve like she did. One day, you woke up to your kids screaming for breakfast, while your spouse went to work. A wonderful life none the less but one you decided was better for the family's sake. While you slept, you alter ego lived life in the fast lane; a jet set existence only a minuscule amount of the population enjoys. Would you say then, that you were living life to the fullest. Tiring as they both sound, I do wonder how long our Psyche would manage with such load.

Anyway back to change. I wonder if changing my hair or my wardrobe would make that big of a difference. I am who I am and deep down, I am probably just bored. Oh sure a new look is refreshing and can give you new perspective, but let's face it - I could dress like a jet setter, but it won't necessarily make me one and I could borrow my nieces and nephews, but it would not make me a mom. Some say we keep coming back to this earth, to learn, evolve and move into a higher conscientiousness, but I think even with multiple reincarnations aren't we deep down who we are.

So I have decided not to cut my hair but to change my mantra to:

"Take me as I am, cause that's all there is!!"

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